Happy New Year! If I can still say that at the end of January - and that it doesn't come across as sarcastic or cynical, in the light of the dreich winter days and ongoing global pandemic.
There's a lot of finding-the-positives and counting-our-blessings going on in our house. Usually we end the day laughing rather than crying (even with the force that is home-school...!) And one of the highlights of my week are the contributions from my writing groups, now, of course, online. Funny, thought-provoking, imaginative, we showcased some of their work on Lothian Life, leading up to Christmas.
Here's a few light-hearted recipes to brighten the last days of January 2021...
RECIPE FOR A DEEP SIGH OF RELIEF
1 cosy coat or jumper
1 pair of sturdy walking or running shoes depending on speed required
Money - various coins and notes
Car keys optional
Depending on the weather, place yourself inside the coat or jumper. Put on a pair of appropriate shoes, make sure you’ve got your money to hand, and take your car keys (if using).
Head off to the nearest local shop that has a decent choice of goodies
On returning with your chosen products, place in the freezer immediately, allowing about 15 mins for a decent chill to set in and the magic to happen
Wait. Give it 5 more minutes for a superior crunch
In the meantime, put the kettle on and place one teabag in a large mug. When the water has boiled, pour over the teabag, squeeze, stir then allow it to stew to your taste before discarding. Add a splash of milk if using and stir again
Remove the delicious chocolate bar from the freezer, slide off the wrapper and place in a bowl.
Tip: to break up into bit size chunks slap the bar swiftly down on the worktop before removing the wrapper.
Take a seat on the sofa with your mug and bowl of loveliness to hand and enjoy.
RECIPE FOR KINDNESS
2 sprigs of smiles
3 teaspoons of laughter
5 dessert spoons of hugs
Pinch of squeeze tightly
1 gentle touch
Place inside your heart
The smiles and laughter
Blend in the hugs and squeeze tightly
Pour the gentle touch in the centre
Sprinkle with kindness and share
RECIPE FOR A COMPANION IN SOCIAL ISOLATION
An outboard motor
12 small and very sharp Sabatier kitchen knives
1 small sheet of sandpaper
5 kilos of bloody-mindedness
Heaped tablespoon of foolhardy curiosity
Pinch of je ne sais quoi
Assemble carefully, especially the knives and mousetrap
Leave outboard motor running.
Slightly soak and heat sandpaper before stroking on your skin.
Leave on lap for an episode of Eastenders.
Congratulations, you’ve made a cat!
RECIPE FOR MOVING HOUSE
One new home
A tablespoon of estate agent
A large hunk of man with a white van and an easy going mate
A week off work
Five good friends
40 cardboard boxes
All your worldly goods
30 takeaways of assorted type: burgers, Chinese, curry etc
Six crates of beer
Five large buckets of wine (for friends, plus extra for self)
1 Ply friends with wine and a takeaway one night. Tell them you need assistance to move. When they are plastered they won’t say no.
2 Add your best friend to the house/flat hunting mixture. When you have located your dream pad progress onto step 3
3 Sieve your worldly goods. Add to the packing cases.
4 Bribe the hunk with beer and curry and lure him to your lair. He won’t be able to resist your junk food advances. Add him to the mixture. Throw in his pal for good measure.
5 Add a pinch of estate agent (reserve the rest for later)
6 Sift a sob story to your boss for time off work. Something about ‘women’s issues’ or your sick cat, should do it, with no questions asked.
7 Add everything into the bowl (men, van, rest of the estate agent, friends, boxes, furniture, beer, wine, takeaways) Stir vigorously.
8 Bake at a nice even temperature for a whole sunny day